The Week in Quotes
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"He went through the defence and midfield and said, 'Right, up front, Frank and Nigel. OK lads?' There was a pause, then Robbo said, 'Nigel? Who's Nigel?' Fergie points at me and goes, 'Him, Nigel Davenport'. He'd got me confused with the actor from Howards' Way!"
Peter Davenport on when Sir Alex Ferguson named the Manchester United team for the first time for a game against Oxford United in 1986

“I have a secret: a bat with lots of nails in it. When his intensity drops I threaten him with it."
Antonio Conte on how he gets the best out of Simone Pepe

“Pep Guardiola was staring at me and I lost it. I thought, 'There is my enemy, scratching his bald head'. I yelled to him, 'You have no balls!' And probably worse things than that!”
Zlatan Ibrahimovic

“Kuyt works so hard for the team - he plays like he has five engines. Suarez is another guy who gives everything to the team - he has the capacity of six lungs with the amount of work he does.”
Kemy Agustien of Swansea City on the Liverpool duo

“One thing is clear: Messi is the best player around at the moment. However, in my opinion, he does not have the elegance that Zidane and Platini had.”
Eden Hazard

"We are going to Newcastle to win, because we are boys with big balls."
Everton's Royston Drenthe

"They were similar goals, as we both took advantage of mistakes, but I hit the ball further than Makaay did and my shot took longer to reach the goal than his, so there's his small advantage. But it’s OK, I will score against Chelsea in nine seconds. I will beat Makaay’s record.”
Jonas, after netting the second-fastest goal in UEFA Champions League history, comparing his effort to the one which was less than three-tenths of a second quicker

“You don't know Suleyman Kerimov!”
Roberto Carlos’ emphatic response when a report suggested Anzhi Makhachkala’s bid to sign Lionel Messi was “insane”

“The song is by a friend of mine and is topping the charts in Brazil. I wanted to dance in tribute to him, so I asked the guys to wait. I love the song and I listen to it a lot.”
Andre Santos on his wacky goal celebration after scoring in Arsenal’s 5-3 win at Chelsea

“If Sean Sogliano thinks he’s in charge then he’s joined the wrong club. I’m the boss here.”
Maurizio Zamparini, Palermo’s president, on the club’s new director of football

“Twenty-five years at Manchester United? It's a fairytale. And retirement? All I can say is that I'm looking forward to the next 25 years."
Sir Alex Ferguson